I wrote this on Sept 16, 2009, two days after God radically moved in my life on September 14th. I wanted to share it with you because it says everything that I felt during and after Revival, and now.
"I will never ever think of Revival the same way again... The past few days of my life have been so incredible. I had to write about it. An amazing man, Murrill Boitnott, has been pumping my heart with God's Word. Just filling my entire existence with it...
I was saved and baptised as a child at seven years old.. I remember it.. and ever since then I know I've been a child of God. But there was no real Fire.. There wasn't any hunger for God's wonderful food... On September 14th, 2009, I rededicated my life to God. Murrill didn't make it easy, haha.. But there was nothing I wanted to do more than to stand up in the middle up the congregation and say in my heart "I want the Fire of God!". So with the invitation to stand where we were.. I stood up!!! And I couldn't breath, it was amazing.. it felt like my heart would break through my body! Now I am sooo in love with God!! I want to do everything in my life for Him!! I'm sick and tired of just trying to do it my way.. my way stinks.. my way is useless and doesn't help anybody.. I want to do whatever God wants me to do!! And every time I say that my eyes fill with water and my heart beams, and a big fat huge smile sweeps across my face like a way I've never known =) Even now.. if you were to look and me you'd see a pretty goosy looking character..lol
I'm tired of materialism. Of lies. Of trying to find my own way.. There is no way but God's way. There is nothing more i can do in life than to know that I'm living the way God wants me to. And I know it's not going to be easy.. I knew that the moment I stood up two days ago. It was not easy. But it felt sooo wonderful. So freeing. I wanted to fly! I wanted to dance for God for all he's done for me.
And last night at Revival.. the most .... the most incredible... most... awesome. Beautiful thing happened. As some of you know, my mom has had a few rounds with cancer in her life.. and recently we found out she has cancer in her bladder and we're having an procedure this Friday to remove it. But last night... God moved in the most beautiful way. The pastor asked my mom and dad and i to stand so that those around us could pray for us. But it wasn't just a prayer circle with quiet whispers of prayer... No... literally dozens and dozens of people.. some we knew.. some we didn't.. came and laid their hands on us.. held our hands.. and in the most glorious chorus prayed aloud all at the same time their own separate prayers.. my life will never be the same!! I could just see God up there hearing those prayers.. hearing that beautiful chorus of love and protection..a column of prayer... and I knew something big was going to happen in my life!! It was made so clear to me how powerful God is, how all knowing, all seeing, and how nothing can get in His way. As Murrill said last night... Some of you may thing.. wow.. that sounds a little Pentecostal there.. No.. That's Bible! And I will never forget that. I have been so blessed by this week. I literally can't even start to describe the awesome, awe inspiring, magnificent, fantastic and wonderful feeling I've been living in the past few days... I really don't want it to stop!!! I just wish time would hold still as we just worshiped God! I don't want to stop.
It's amazing how things really, honestly, do happen for a reason... I thought I'd be stuck in a rut .. here I am not going to college.. "auhg!" I used to say... Ha! that is so funny to me now! =D If i were in school right now.. I would not have had this incredible experience.. seriously! just think about that!! There's no timing like God's. God doesn't own a watch... he doesn't care about this earthly notion of time... And now more than any other time in my life.. I honestly don't care either!!! And you know what?? I don't want a big fine house, or a big fine car, I don't want to own all the little labels on my clothes.. I don't care about it anymore!!! It's all nonsense compared to the things God can do.. As a matter of fact.. I'm returning some stuff I just bought back to the store... cuz I don't need it. Sure i bought it because I liked it.. and it was on sale.. But I don't need it.. Its soo silly!! I don't need that! I just need God, and God will provide for ALL my needs. It's really the most wonderful feeling I've ever had. And now more than ever. I know God has a plan for me.. I don't know what it is.. but it's big.. it's great!! Not in earthly terms.. but in God's eyes it's wonderful.. and I'm so excited!
To be honest with you.. I have no clue what's going to happen next. And I love it... because God knows.. and when it's time He'll fill me in :) And every thing i say and do, I'm going to try my hardest.. I'm going to do it!! I'm going to live, act, behave, and speak like the Christian that I am. I'm never going to see a movie I know I shouldn't... I'm going to stop watching anything that makes me steer away from Him, yes.. I'm going to delete all those songs I know and love from my ipod that I know God doesn't approve of.. And I'm going to DELETE them.. not just put them over here and say.. i won't listen to them often.. I'm deleting them!! This is Revival people.. this isn't.. oh we went to church everyday.. This is Revival!! And I want to scream it to the heavens because I've never felt so real and close to God! =D And if that makes me weird.. if everyone I meet points to me and says.. hey.. look at the weird chick.. I don't care.. in fact.. I'm going to love that!! People are always trying to prove their identity and say "I'm different from you", how about actually doing something different? How about actually genuinely wanting to live for God? How many people are doing that now a days? and it's sad but it's true! And I know I'm stepping on toes.. but the Truth is always the Truth, there is no substitute.. people can lie to themselves all they want.. but they're not fooling God. He's sees us from the inside.. not the outside. We can make ourselves look awfully pretty on the outside.. but if the inside is dirty.. then what's the point? It's time to actually make a change in our lives!
And since I'm already out on a limb.. and maybe some of you have stopped reading by now.. I'm just gonna state some things my heart has been screaming inside me. Everyone who follows God and wants to show the world that they're different needs to Stop Drinking. Stop it in all forms.. i don't care if it's only "special occasions" Alcohol has NO purpose in your life!! Get rid of it! Right now! Stop smoking weed and shooting acid.. i don't care what you call it or what form it's in.. get rid of it right now.. get it out of your life!! It's destroying you! Stop Smoking! your body doesn't belong to you.. it belongs to God!! Take care of it! Stop having relations with people you aren't married to. Stop loving people of your own sex.. it's not godly.. it's wrong!! Very wrong. Stop being a Sunday only Christian. Stop looking at images that ruin your mind and fill your heart with lust. Stop swearing. Stop acting like your the only person that matters... because we all matter little compared to God, Stop lying to yourself and others, Stop pointing your finger to others.. try pointing it at yourself. Stop saying you don't need the Fire of God.. because trust me, you do.. you soo do! Stop looking at the sin in your life and saying.. oh.. it's not that bad.. it's nothing you mentioned up above so I'm good... You know the sin in your life.. you know what it is.. i don't have to tell you. Stop not having Faith in God. He loves you.. more than you know.. Believe in Him! Trust Him!! It will be the best thing that's ever happened in your life!!! Stop with the unforgiveness, selfishness, pride, stubbornness, rebellion, impatience, hatred and anger in your life.. Just stop it! Stop with the gossip, ungodly thoughts, hypocrisy, ungrateful spirit, worry and fear.. God has you in His hands. What are you afraid of? Sure we may not like it.. nobody said life would be perfect.. But God has a plan that IS perfect.. maybe we won't understand it until we see Him face to face.. but He's got you! Stop with not sharing your faith! you have a priceless gift!! Something that people are searching for and can't find! Share it.. share it! Stop with the unbelief, greed, gluttony, cheating, worldliness, covetousness, profanity, murmuring, and laziness that fills all of our lives.. and Stop with not studying the Word. The only way we can grow as children of God is to get closer to God. And the only way we can do that is praying, studying the precious Word of God, and trying with all our hearts to understand it with Him guiding us. Don't sit there and say to yourself.. how can i prove my point with this Bible.. Sit and try to discover the real Truth. There's only one Truth, and that is the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior.
And as Murrill said last night... our Identity is in Christ. not in our friends, career, education, possessions or hobbies. Our identity is in God, as saved people we are Children of God. We are His friends.. friends talk to each other.. share their plans for their life.. and I am sooo blessed to have heard that message last night.. I so want to get a cd of the last few days.. it's instantly on my ipod i can tell you...
He also talked about the fact that there is no building that is God.. there is no person living on earth that is God.. there is no single thing here on earth that is God. The only thing on earth we can put faith in is the Word of God... not a church building, pastor, priest, deacon or what have you. We are all priests of God for God.. we don't need an earthly figurehead for that... and since we are priests.. we need to start acting like it! We're His bride.. clothed in white.. when we ask for his forgiveness and truly mean it with our hearts.. He sees us clothed in pure white!! We need to honestly try to stay clothed in white! pure as snow... People are gonna think we're weird.. but that in itself is really a blessing! It shows we're living in a way that is different from this world and it's ways. Live in the world.. but not of it.
And I just want to thank God so much for opening my eyes to the sin in my life. I'm a good Baptist girl, but i am far from perfect.. and the only thing that can save a sinner is Jesus. I am so so blessed to have had this Revival. Religion can't save us.. Only God and His precious Son Jesus Christ can save us. If after reading this you'd like to talk.. just message me.. Come talk to me.. i'm here.. if you don't wanna talk to me personally.. I'll give you the contact info of some very dear people of God that have helped me to grow in God. Or if you've read this and would like to join me and help me to stay this course, i would greatly appreciate it. Everyone needs an accountability partner sometimes.. And i truly never want to leave this feeling I've found in God. So if you want to join, please give me a message or just come see me. =)
But i just have to tell the world however I can.. I love You God. You have moved me.. in such a profound, and wonderful way. Don't ever let me stray from You ever again. Ever. Knowing You in this way has made me the happiest person I've ever been! After this week is over and I go back to the "old routine" of life.. Don't let me stray from You. Ever. Please show me Your Will in my life. Thank You so much. "
If you would like to hear the full message that Murrill gave that night, click below.
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