Where Does Your Confidence Lie?

Confidence is a funny thing.  One minute we can feel unstoppable; the next, unable to stand. This rise and fall occurs based on where we’ve placed our assurance and thinking towards the future regarding ourselves; our beliefs about what we are capable of.  Essentially, our confidence.  But let’s think about this… should this up and down happen?  The answer lies in where we’ve placed our confidence.

So, where have you placed yours?  There are many sources that we often turn to regarding this.

We frequently judge our strength by the results of our own abilities.  When we succeed, we are proud of what we’ve accomplished and are filled with a sense of self-confidence that lifts us above our circumstances.  When we fail, we fall to the bottom of the floor – below the floor – and wonder if we can ever be strong again.

We also have the habit of placing our confidence in another person.  It could be a parent or other family member, a friend, teacher or coach.  If that person in our lives that we’ve placed that confidence in approves of us or is complementary towards us regarding our abilities, we soar in our self-confidence and our self-esteem seems strong.  But if that person rejects us, or for any reason disappoints us or speaks harshly towards us, we are devastated, not knowing who we can turn to for comfort.

Perhaps we’ve placed our source of confidence in celebrities or certain objects.  We compare ourselves to those we consider successful or satisfied and meter our own confidence based on whether we can compare well to them.  We see ads that tell us that if we look a certain way or behave in a specific fashion that we will find confidence and happiness.  We’ve been told that if we buy certain products, we will feel confidant or beautiful and be able to face anything with it in our possession. But we are never satisfied because that “special” celebrity or product constantly changes.  Every month there is a new something that causes us to doubt whether we’re still on top.  In fear of being on the bottom, we sell ourselves to fit the image of the world.  But these products will always fail, because they are fallible and man-made. And those we look to as rulers for our own personal happiness themselves eventually reveal that they are seeking to be filled with something more. Every year we see their rise on a global stage, and then often see their fall afterwards which causes us to simply pick the next celebrity, continuing the vicious cycle.  

All of these sources of identity and confidence are broken and destined for unhappiness.  Sure, they may all temporarily relieve our hurts and make us feel that we are happy for a while.  But the honest truth is that it won’t last long.  We ourselves will never be good enough to be happy long-term in our own strength, we will often fail during our lives.  Others will not always be encouraging or supportive; they are human as well and will often say things that hurt us.  Celebrities may appear perfect, but they are human beings just like the rest of us with their own troubles.  Objects can’t uplift a human spirit, it is simply an invention of humanity that will eventually breakdown or become outmoded by the next best thing.    

This rise and fall of a dissatisfied soul is a human convention that God never designed or intended.   We struggle with being confident because we have misplaced the source of our satisfaction.  Confidence is intimately tied to our personal identity.  When we lose self-confidence, we often lose our sense of identity and ultimately our purpose.  This begs the ultimate question:  Where should we place our source of identity and confidence if everything above that the world holds as the standard is fallible and prone to instability?

The answer rests in the fact that God, the One and Only Creator of the Universe, created each of us specifically in mind before conception, uniquely formed us in the womb before birth, and loved us unconditionally before we even knew what love meant.  Not only this, but two-thousand years ago Jesus Christ bore all the sins of humanity (including yours and mine) so that those who believe in Him would never suffer the righteous wrath of God.   As Christians, our Heavenly Father sees us as His beautiful children clothed in perfect white because of Christ’s sacrifice.  There is no amount of perfection we could possibly add to our already perfected soul that is in union with the Holy Spirit!  Why do we try to boost our confidence artificially when in fact we have already achieved the only kind of success that can carry us through every difficulty?  What are additional accolades when Abba Father is already proud to call us His children?  What more could a child ask for than to know they are accepted, loved, cherished, approved of, and held in high esteem by their father?  God Himself has told us that we are His children:

Romans 8:14-17:  For all who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons [or daughters] of God.  For you did not receive the spirit of slavery leading again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption, by whom we cry, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit himself bears witness to our spirit that we are God’s children.  And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ) – …  If then, we are heirs with Christ as the Bible says, wouldn’t this also mean that when God said of Jesus, “This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased,”  that God is also pleased with us?  So why do we still fret about our confidence?

We’ve allowed sin to cloud our thinking and we’ve placed human emotions onto God--Who is Deity and beyond our simple emotions.  We place our own thoughts into God’s mouth where they do not belong.  The devil loves it when we tell ourselves something God never said.  Sure, it feels terrible when we mess up, and we disappoint ourselves or others by our actions or thoughts of sin.  But belittling ourselves with other thoughts defeats the purpose of why Christ died.  No amount of beating ourselves up over a matter can change the fact that we did or didn’t do something.  Only Christ’s atoning and cleansing blood can wash away whatever guilt, remorse, disappointment, dejection, or sorrow we may be feeling when we let ourselves down and lose our self-confidence.   Whatever actions or words we pummel at ourselves when we mess up is in fact in itself an act of sin itself!  It does feel terrible when we fall, but that’s one of the many reasons Christ came to save us.  He knew it was impossible to be good in our flesh alone.  Look at this:

Romans 8:1-11, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the life-giving Spirit in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. For God achieved what the law could not do because it was weakened through the flesh. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and concerning sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law may be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.   For those who live according to the flesh have their outlook shaped by the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit have their outlook shaped by the things of the Spirit.  For the outlook of the flesh is death, but the outlook of the Spirit is life and peace, because the outlook of the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to the law of God, nor is it able to do so.  Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.  You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you.  Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, this person does not belong to him. But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is your life because of righteousness. Moreover if the Spirit of the one who raised Jesus from the dead lives in you, the one who raised Christ from the dead will also make your mortal bodies alive through his Spirit who lives in you.”

The next question we should ask ourselves is, Is God really our source of identity?  Think hard and deeply about this.  I’m not asking simply, is Christ your Savior, or are you a child of God. But have you allowed your relationship to your Heavenly Father reach the point that you know you are forever loved, and nothing you do will change that?  Feelings of insecurity have no place in our lives if we’ve truly reconciled in our hearts Who’s we belong to and by Whom we are loved.  Our dependence on our human abilities has no bearing on anything if this is true.  Today we are encouraged to “believe in ourselves” and “find our inner strength.”  But little time will reveal that this is an impossible attainment to maintain. Not only should we not be looking “inside ourselves” to find our source of identity and confidence, but we should also not be looking to other fallen human beings to find our confidence.  So often when someone else lets us down or ridicules us, we feel rejected or hurt, and sometimes we interject that God has rejected us as well, but when we are in Christ, we are chained forever to Him, and that bond cannot be broken.  We must never convince ourselves (or should I say, allow satan to convince us) of the falsehood that somehow we can make ourselves feel complete in the flesh or through another person we will find complete happiness.

When we rest and abide in the fact that we belong to Christ, then the ups and downs of life around us won’t destroy us or devastate us to the core.   This doesn’t mean we won’t experience pain, difficulties, hardships, rejections, or disappointments in life.   This will happen, we live in a fallen world after all.  In the same passage above in Romans 8:17 the passage concludes with, “And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ) – if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him.”   It’s promised that we will suffer in this life, but it is also promises that as heirs with Christ, we will be uplifted and glorified with Him in eternity.  What more could we ask for than to know that we are secure and confidant in Christ?  With Him as our source of identity and strength we are able to overcome whatever God allows to come our way.  We can accomplish more than we think we are capable of with Christ as our rock and foundation.

So the next time you start to feel down, or sense that your confidence is draining… think about where, or in whom your confidence lies…. And remember Who’s you are, and how much your Abba Father loves and admires you.